Travel Book for March 2010
Conspiracy Theories by Jamie King
Michael Jackson
Following reports of Michael Jackson’s death from an apparent cardiac arrest on 25 June 2009, there was fevered speculation surrounding what happened that day at his Beverley Hills home and the UCLA Medical Center to which he was taken. Did he fake his own death? Was he already dead? Was he murdered?
Many people believe Jackson is still alive. The reason for the deceit? His disastrous finances. Despite selling over 61 million albums in the US alone, the troubled singer was reportedly in debt to the tune of more than US$400 million at the time of his supposed death.
His spending had got seriously out of control (Neverland Ranch cost him an estimated US$14.6 million in 1988) long before allegations of child abuse began to harm his reputation and stall his career. Huge lawsuit settlements and exorbitant legal fees took their inevitable toll on his fortune, forcing him to seek massive loans, initially from banks but increasingly from less salubrious lenders.
The theorists point out that faking his own death would have allowed him to settle these debts, while at the same time continuing to earn royalties, both from his own recordings (conveniently inflated enormously by his death) and from those in which he had a stake, including the incredibly valuable Beatles back catalogue.
It would also have provided a convenient escape route from what had the potential to be a catastrophic comeback tour in the UK. Few considered a clearly unwell Jackson able to fulfil a mammoth 50‐date commitment. The embarrassment of having to lip‐sync, looking decrepit on stage and cancelling shows could certainly have brought down the final curtain on his ailing career.
It is believed that he fled abroad shortly after his reported fatal heart attack, with suspected destinations including Mexico and Eastern Europe, where he is said to have taken a false identity, something which, in hindsight, he had been trying to achieve for years.
The change in Michael Jackson’s appearance has been well documented and the acceleration of this mutation over the last decade coincides neatly with the time period over which the scheme had reportedly been in planning. It is claimed that Jackson was replaced by a terminally ill double, whose family is being looked after in return. Countless pictures and video clips have surfaced purporting to show the musician alive and well after the date of his death.
The Jackson clan’s decision to cancel the public viewing of the body at the Neverland Ranch only gives further weight to the belief that the Thriller mastermind decided to stage his demise and live the rest of his life away from the pressures that had built up around him.
However, not everyone thinks Jackson is kicking back with Elvis in a private paradise. There is the theory that he died over 20 years ago, prior to the release of Bad, and that an impersonator took his place. It is rumoured that his body was found in a shallow grave near his miniature train track in Neverland. The authorities were tipped off to the corpse’s identity as it was found wearing a single glove and a red leather jacket.
Another theory goes that Jackson’s addiction to powerful anaesthetics, to treat chronic insomnia, was used as a cover by a shadowy group that sought his death. Made vulnerable by drug addiction and crippling debts, Jackson found himself controlled by a shady syndicate linked, according to different sources, to Russia, China or even the CIA. Attempts to free Jackson from their grip, made by the singer himself or his family (most likely to have involved a threat to go public with the story) forced the rogue organisation to bump off their moonwalking cash cow.
Others believe that Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sanctioned the murder of Jackson in order to distract Western media attention from the post‐election chaos in Iran.
The British Royal Family are Aliens
The British Royal Family are an eccentric bunch. Gaffes, scandals and acts of general oddness are all part and parcel of their aristocratic lives. Some of them are a little funny‐looking too. Why is this? Is it because, as some would have us believe, they are reptilian shape‐shifting aliens?
According to one theory, the Windsor family were all sheltering from a World War Two Luftwaffe bombing raid when a stray explosive hit their hideaway, killing them all. An alien spacecraft, which had been hovering above the earth since the death of Queen Victoria, took this opportunity to infiltrate mankind, and replaced them. It assumed their identities using shape‐shifting powers.
It is claimed that Prince Philip is the real leader of the royal pack. His fascination with UFOs is no clandestine hobby. His subscription to several extraterrestrial quarterlies and alleged regular covert visits to areas where sightings have been reported and secret crash sites enable him to pick up vital messages and check up on old extraterrestrial friends. He is supposedly scared of exposure and, by personally following up every UFO lead, he ensures that no information relating to his true form can leak out.
Prince Philip’s position as the senior extraterrestrial family member has been questioned on occasion, although there is no doubting that he was one of the first royal aliens ‐ the disguise is clearly an early model: just look at the size of the top of his head and his ears! (The forehead problem seems to have been improved upon but they still clearly have problems with the ears.) Some say that his uncle, Lord Louis Mountbatten, was the alien commander‐in‐chief and point to his use of UFO interest as a cover that was passed on to his next‐in‐command. The assassination of his earthly body by the IRA in 1979 forced the alien being back to the mother ship.
While some believe that the aliens’ presence on earth is benign ‐ they are here to explore the planet and use their royal identities to visit places and events that are off‐limits to most ‐ others suggest that their purpose is more sinister.
These theorists, which include ex‐Coventry City goalkeeper, sports presenter and spokesperson for the Green Party David Icke (self‐styled son of God), claim that the British Royal Family are part of a reptilian shape‐shifting alien conspiracy to take over the world. Their goal is to create a totalitarian One World State, ruled over by a master race of beings from outer space. George W. Bush is also a member: that pretzel‐eating injury was no freak mishap; shape‐shifting causes occasional injury to the human tissue.
Their refreshment of choice is allegedly human blood and they are not afraid of permanently silencing those who threaten to expose their real identity. Was Princess Diana killed by this alien force because she had discovered their secret? Long mystified by Charles’ insistence on separate beds, even while dating and in marriage, an unplanned visit in the night to her partner’s bedroom is said to have laid the truth bare, as it is during the hours of darkness that they return to alien form. From that moment on some say, her days were numbered.
Conspiracy Theories by Jamie King is published by Summersdale (paperback; £7.99). It is also available through amazon.com and all good booksellers.
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