Lessons I've learnt in Canada, eh.
Erin Kelly Gets an Education in Canada
Lesson One: Never ever, ever call a Canadian an American - even as a joke and never ever, ever say it to a Canadian that you are dating (you might not be dating them for long).Lesson Two: Neat means cool or good and stellar is the same thing as awesome. Toque is a beanie, never say thongs when you're talking about footwear and quay is not pronounced key.
Lesson Three: Don't call ice hockey, ice hockey. This sport is strictly hockey.
Lesson Four: For some Canadians it is true that left and right wing refers to hockey first and politics second.
Lesson Five: Don't try to talk to a Canadian while an (ice) hockey game is playing.
Lesson Six: When French Canadian films from Quebec are sent to France they have French sub titles.
Lesson Seven: Some people (not just Canadians) don't realise that Australia has opposite seasons.
Lesson Eight: French Canadians are better looking.
Lesson Nine: The coffee is bad, so so so bad. People line up in massive long lines to get a special Tim Horton's coffee. The cost of producing this internationally renowned, instant coffee is less than the cost of the plastic cup it is served in - but people still line up around the block for it.
Lesson Ten: Never ever, ever call a Canadian an American even as a joke.
Lesson Eleven: When it snows it gets warmer rather than colder.
Lesson Twelve: If a Canadian tells you it's warm and that you don't need a jacket, that means it's actually about minus ten and you do in fact need a jacket, gloves, snow boots and would be better off not leaving the house. If they tell you it's cold then it's time to charter a plane to the Bahamas.
Lesson Thirteen: There is no such thing as ten degrees. A plus or a minus sign needs to be added when reporting on the weather. If people refer to what you presume is a high temperature, they are usually talking about a ridiculously low temperature. For example: “when it was fifty at my place,” is a reference to minus fifty degrees.
Lesson Fourteen: Plan ahead even for something like a trip to the supermarket. In Australia that would have been a normal shopping trip. Here it turned into Erin and Chel's epic voyage into the Canadian wilderness! A tale of horror. Shopping for clothes is even worse because there are a multitude of terms to learn, such as shells and outer shells. There are also a million different materials you need to know about.
Lesson Fifteen: Halloween is bigger (and almost as expensive) as an Australian Christmas and it is sacrilegious to be a vegetarian at Thanksgiving lunch.
Lesson Sixteen: Pumpkin is not for consumption, you can eat pumpkin pie, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin spiced latte and pumpkin pie flavoured ice cream but when I tried to make roast pumpkin a number of Canadians looked at me strangely. One said: “we don't eat pumpkin, we carve it”.
Lesson Seventeen: Canadians are the politest drivers I have ever encountered. If you are jay walking across a busy highway they will stop, even if you are waiting in the middle strip for them to pass.
Lesson Eighteen: If you're a vegetarian in Alberta, forget about it.
Lesson Nineteen: Size does matter. Cars are actually trucks, shopping centres have amusement parks and the entrées are the size of a family feast.
- Erin Kelly
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