Top 10 Gifts You Don't Want For Christmas

The Top 10 Gifts You Don’t Want For Christmas (and the ones you should swap them for)

We all know that as you get older, the presents you find under the tree at Christmas become less and less tantalising and more and more boringly practical. With that in mind here’s a guide to what the modern backpacker should avoid this Christmas and what you should be swapping, substituting and begging for in their place.

Guides on How to Lose Weight
First of all unless you ask for this, a book on weight loss is highly offensive and overwhelmingly presumptive. You are well within your rights to throw this straight back in the face of the gift giver or (if your image is important in this respect) ask for a month’s gym membership the city that you’re residing in, instead.
Socks
It’s true that you always need socks and that you’re likely to lose legions of them to the sock eating monsters who live in washing machines around the world, but you can buy them for yourself and as a Christmas gift, they’re quite simply, inarguably boring. Instead ask or exchange them for a pair of Cozy Feet Microwavable Foot Warmers from gadgetshop.com. These are great for winter travellers and after two minutes in the microwave, you’ll be set for hours of snug-ness in hostel common rooms and movie marathons!
Gift Vouchers
These are the ultimate cop-out when someone either doesn’t know you as well as they should or doesn’t have the time to put any thought into your gift. Do not take this lying down! Unless the vouchers get you into a chain of five star spas across the globe, they’re nothing but restrictive. Cold hard cash is a preferable alternative or for a more personalised approach, an I.O.U a shopping trip voucher for when you go home.
“Popular” Music
It’s a common and tragic story. A relative or friend looks through the top ten best selling albums of the day and thinks: “I know - I bet Timmy would love that. I’ll order it and everything will be just dandy.” The odds are that given the chance, Timmy wouldn’t pick out Queen’s Greatest Hits – re-released for the twentieth Christmas in a row. A far superior and cheaper alternative is a self made CD that includes songs you shared in the days of yesteryear and the songs that are currently making sound waves back in your home country.
Address Books
When you receive an address book at Christmas you can presume one of two things. Firstly this is a hand me down gift - that your gift giver received the year before. Alternatively it is something they got for a five-finger discount at the stationary cupboard in their office. If someone insists on giving you - what for a backpacker is just a glorified notebook - you might as well just step up the cheek and ask for a Filofax. In these you’ll find international time zones, currency advice, world maps and a suitably understated - address segment.
Chocolate
You know you’re going to put weight on during the festive season. It’s an inescapable fate linked to comfort eating when you’re away from home and the crazy, credit crunch friendly - food offers run by the Walmart stores of the world. Sending someone chocolate on top of all this is just hostile. If you see this one coming you should head off your present buyer with a suggestion they buy you a healthy eating cookbook. You might not want a healthy eating cookbook, but this clever little hint will ensure that next year, you wont get mass produced, chocolaty badness in the post.
Photo Frames
Not to be completely heartless but unless the photo frame includes a picture of a monumentally intimate and irreplaceable moment between you and a loved one, a photo frame is a rubbish gift. If it’s posted to you you’re likely to open a package that includes broken glass and if you’re on the road – where the devil are you going to put it? My alternative advice is this. Ask your potential post-ee to forgo this gift and instead enlist their help in putting together your travel album when you return home. If you’re away for a year then collating several hundred photos will be no small task.
Mugs
These usually fall into the preserve of friend to friend gift giving. They are evil and must be stopped. Before you know it you’ll have dozens of them and no idea what to do or how you’ll get them home. Instead trade in this porcelain privilege for a simple drink, on your friend. With the price tags attached to contemporarily popular coffee servings, it’s not uncommon for the caffeine to cost more than the cup. In a roundabout way therefore, you kind of make a profit!
Slippers
These are up there with socks. Completely unnecessary in a Christmas stocking, easier to buy for yourself and potentially useless, if you’re not the slipper wearing type. My alternative advice for this one is simple. Ask for absolutely anything else instead, even if it’s just money! Either that or one year later – wrap them up and return to sender as a gift. It’s a harsh but effective way of getting the message across.
Deodorant and Shower Gel Box Sets
This is another favourite and may I say over-priced, favourite for the relations who don’t know what to buy but insist on it being a sizable, easy to wrap, box shaped present. If you’re not turned off by this likely shape under the Christmas tree then make sure said relation knows what scent you wear. Alternatively head them off at the pass and suggest they purchase your favourite perfume or after-shave. This will last you a lot longer and act as a pleasant reminder throughout the year, of a loved one getting it affectionately – spot on!